5 keys to (finally) understanding what goes on in men’s heads

Men also have their mysteries. If the character of women is very often singled out for being more complex and changeable, it remains a crude cliché largely favored by the patriarchy. There male psychologylike that of women, is full of novelties to explore and understand for the opposite sex. This is one of the great challenges of couple life : put yourself in the other person’s shoes without ever really being able to experience what is going on in your head. Don’t panic though, there are ways to make things easier.

There sexologist Catherine Solano has written numerous works on health and on the couple, in particular on sexuality. She is now a radio journalist on RFI In the show Health priority. Each month, she responds to questions listeners on different topics. During an episode dedicated to the male sexualitythe questions did not fail to prove that many women wonder a lot about how their partner perceives the relationship, especially through relationship to sex.

Men, those creatures that look like us!

Do a basic dichotomy between the silence of men and women being generally more talkative can easily lead to pitfalls tinged with misogyny. However, even if it isa social constructmany women wonder about the male communicationwhich sometimes seems to be limited to strictly necessary. When it comes to feelings or even sex, it can even turn into a drastic reduction in vocabulary available. However, as the sexologist points out, this is undoubtedly where the first key to thrive.

But, make no mistake, our so-called abundance of words is not necessarily easier to decipher. Some of us are also unfriendly while some men can be worthy of a circus storyteller! We are alike in our fearsbut our ways of approaching them may differ, in particular because some social constructs pushed us to think of them differently. Either way, you have to find a common language.

Decipher the other

Another key, provided by Catherine Solano, relies on understanding the past of the other. Each person’s experiences build their own emotional arsenal of today. The sexologist, following here certain ideas of very Freudian psychoanalysisemphasizes the importance of relationship that the man could have with his mother. Whether he seeks to recreate the maternal bond or, on the contrary, to distance himself from it as much as possible, it is better to be warned. Nothing like a in-situ observation, when possible, to find out what is going on. All you have to do is approach the next meal at your in-laws like a 21st century Dian Fossey, studying the habits of your favorite gorilla.

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Sex is also a language

Of course, for the sexologist, many of the answers lie in the male sexuality. This is often only a reflection of the relationship itself. When a listener expresses concern that men are only attracted to sex and ready to do anything for that, the specialist provides elements of explanation. All men are not potential satyrs, seeking to deceive their partner. Nevertheless, for the sex therapist, many men would use sexuality like a means of expression, as a way to update unsaid feelings. She also recognizes that a certain picture of the “virility doesn’t help much in this regard.

Under the duvet, so we must also be attentive to what the gentleman may be trying to tell us by his gestures. We must not forget either that they also have their flaws, their weaknesses, their fears, just like us. There performance pressure can be heavy. Even if the man can be more “mechanical” in his sexuality, we must not necessarily forget that the pleasure concept East deeper than a simple orgasm. to feel wantedwhether you are a woman or a man, it is an important key to flourish and gain trust. This will be felt all the more in the relationship, and vice versa. A virtuous circle in short!

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